night crawlers

i used to be a night crawler. i'd climb out my bedroom window about 11 p.m. and not climb back in until close to 6 a.m.. once i even saw the paperboy on his morning route. my parents didn't know i had this bad habit going and i maintained good enough grades to keep everyone fooled. i had an art class first period, so didn't have to be too alert for that. a little creativity went a long way.

i was fearless, as the young are. i'd get into cars with people i didn't know. i'd have unprotected sex. i'd race the truckers on the interstate with a piece of shit gremlin until i blew the motor and ended up stranded in another town.

i had a crush on an older guy once who was nice to me. i wasn't used to that. i'd take off on a friday after work, drive for three hours to his house, spend the weekend screwing our brains out and get home just before dawn on monday morning. once i went with some friends who had been begging to meet him. he spent the night making passes at one of my friends and i left them there and headed home. i didn't care how they got home. i figured he could take them.

i hadn't figured on the blizzard. i got off on the side of the road and found there was no side of the road. stuck in a snowdrift, i spent the night in short bursts of waking to start the car and heat myself up, then turning it off to conserve fuel and not kill myself. just before dawn i crept out into the ditch to relieve myself and a trucker was kind enough to come along and offer to dig my car out. as he was digging me out, my friends went by and saw me. i ended up taking them home.

i burned all his pictures.

i stopped going out. at all.